


And I Always Will

by MelissaWritesStuff



Series: I'm Supposed to Love You [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 08:39:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4998100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelissaWritesStuff/pseuds/MelissaWritesStuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you get second chances.</p><p>Other times, you just get really, really drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Always Will

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me if I'm rusty.

It was a while before Tetsurou went to anymore parties after what happened last time.

Partly, the idea of going to a party was just tainted with bad memories, but even after Tetsurou had gotten over that, he was terrified of the idea of Kei being there, too.

But this party was going to be different. It had been six months, two weeks, and two days since one of the worst nights (or rather, since one of the worst mornings) of Tetsurou’s life, and that had been enough time to heal, for the most part. Six months, two weeks, and two days should be enough time, Tetsurou thought, to get over someone he hadn’t even dated, regardless of how long he’d been in love with them beforehand.

Right?

Tetsurou had honestly been wary of the idea at first, he couldn’t say no - it was the last time he and Bokuto would be able to go for a night out like this before Bokuto moved across town, starting training with the professional volleyball team he’d just been signed to, and into an apartment he’d be sharing with long-term boyfriend Akaashi. After living within five minutes of each other on foot for the past few years, seeing Bokuto was going to be about half an hour by train. It wasn’t the worst, but... It was the end of an era. Of course Tetsurou wanted to go out and celebrate with him, if it was their last chance.

“To new beginnings,” Tetsurou said, holding up his beer in a toast.

Bokuto clinked his bottle against Tetsurou’s and grinned. “New beginnings, hell yeah.”

 _This is fine_ , Tetsurou thought to himself as he and Bokuto started in on their drinks. _We’re just gonna have a few drinks, meet up with some people, and have a nice time. This is fine._

“Hey, speaking of new beginnings,” Bokuto said suddenly, clapping Tetsurou on the back and nearly making him choke, “there are some guys here from my old volleyball team you should meet! I’ll totally hook you up!”

Tetsurou immediately knew where he was going with this and shook his head. “Nah, man, I’m not ready to start meeting new guys yet.”

“Aw, still?” Bokuto asked, slumping his shoulders in disappointment.

Tetsurou shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know, Bokuto, I was in love with the guy for years. It takes time to get over that kind of thing.” _At least more than six months, two weeks, and two days._

“Meeting someone new might help, though!” Bokuto insisted. “It’d get your mind off of it and you’d get over it faster!”

Tetsurou chuckled. He couldn’t even _think_ of being with anyone else right now. “That might be how you work, but not me. I still need time.”

Bokuto sighed and pulled his buzzing phone out of his pocket. “If you say so,” he said. “But if you change your mind, just let me kn- o-oh, shit...”

Tetsurou raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

Bokuto hesitated before turning the screen toward Tetsurou.

 _From: Akaashi_ ₍₍ ( ๑॔˃̶◡ ˂̶๑॓)◞♡  
_Just got here, and Tsukishima came in right behind me. You should probably give Kuroo a heads up._

“Alright,” Tetsurou said before he could even begin to have any feelings about this. “I’m leaving.”

The second he tried, Bokuto grabbed his arm. “Kuroo, you can’t,” he whined. “C’mon, you guys have mutual friends. This was gonna happen sooner or later.”

With Bokuto blocking his escape, Tetsurou was starting to have feelings about this. His stomach felt like he was gonna be sick. “That doesn’t mean I need to stick around-”

“Kuroo, pleeeaaase,” Bokuto begged, tightening his grip on Tetsurou’s arm. Tetsurou was starting to feel like he couldn’t breathe. He needed air. He needed to be in a building that Tsukishima Kei wasn’t in. “It’s a big party, you probably won’t even see him.”

“But I might.” The room felt hot and stuffy. Tetsurou was starting to sweat. There wasn’t enough air.

“It’s been _six months_ , dude!” Bokuto reminded him. “You’re still gonna let him run your life like this?”

_Yes._

Bokuto put his hands on Tetsurou’s shoulders. “C’mon, Kuroo, _breathe_.”

Tetsurou closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

_Tsukki’s here._

_He’s in the same house as you right now._

_It’s been a whole six months._

_But it still hurts._

_You promised Bokuto you’d be at this party with him._

_It’s the end of an era - you’re really gonna bail just because Tsukki showed up?_

_I can’t do this._

_But you have to._

Tetsurou looked down at the beer in his hand.

_Then I can’t do this sober._

Tetsurou quickly downed the rest of his beer and held the empty bottle out to Bokuto. “I’m only staying if you get me another one of these.”

Bokuto immediately grinned. “That’s the spirit, dude!” he shouted, giving Tetsurou a high-five before going to hunt him down another drink.

Tetsurou could feel himself start to calm down a little as he kept focusing on his breathing and as the beer started to kick in a little. He could survive staying in the same building as Kei, with Bokuto to ground him and a little liquid courage.

If he actually ran into Kei, the story might change.

~~~

Kei really needed new friends. After dragging him to this party completely against his will, within two minutes, his friends had all ditched him to talk to other people.

_I can’t wait until Yamaguchi gets back from studying abroad..._

It had been a long eight months without him. And Kei had made a lot of stupid, _stupid_ decisions in his absence...

The party ended up not all that bad, anyway. Even without his shitty university friends, he ran into a other people he knew. There were some people from university he hadn’t seen since freshman year intro classes. He stumbled into a conversation with some volleyball players who had actually seen Karasuno play a few games back when Kei had been part of the team. Kei even bumped into and was able to catch up with people he considered old friends, like Akaashi and Lev and Yaku.

Akaashi and Lev and Yaku.

It was hard _not_ to notice that there were a lot of good friends of Tetsurou’s at this party.

Which meant Tetsurou might actually be here.

Which meant that Kei might have to leave the party immediately, his friends that had dragged him here be damned.

Kei almost wanted to ask someone if Tetsurou was here, just so he could preemptively make that decision to jump ship, but he didn’t want to make it seem like he was _looking_ for Tetsurou. God, what would Tetsurou think if word got back to him that Kei was asking for him? Would he think Kei was looking for another night like last time? Would he think Kei had gotten the wrong idea after all?

Would he maybe want to see Kei, too?

_Of course not._

So Kei didn’t ask.

And he went about two hours without any red flags. No one was talking about Tetsurou, Tetsurou was nowhere to be seen, and neither were his two closest friends. Kei wouldn’t have imagined Kozume to be at a party like this, but he was pretty relieved that there was no sign of-

“Hey, Tsukki!”

_Bokuto._

Kei suddenly felt like there were bricks in his stomach as he turned to face him. _Please, don’t let him be here._ “Hello, Bokuto-san.”

“Have you seen Kuroo?!” he asked frantically.

Bricks. Lead. Poison. Anything could be in Kei’s stomach right now and he wouldn’t know the difference. “No, I haven’t.”

Bokuto blinked a little in surprise. “Oh.” Then he broke into a grin. “Good!” Then his face fell. “Kind of...”

Kei’s head was spinning, and Bokuto was not helping. “What?”

“Listen, if you see him, can you let me know? But don’t talk to him!” Bokuto added quickly. “Just tell me. And don’t go looking for him! Just, if you happen to see him, come tell me. Okay?!”

Kei hesitated, forever confused by anything that came out of Bokuto’s mouth, and nodded. “Okay.”

As Bokuto walked away, Kei just looked down into a drink he’d taken just to be polite but hadn’t actually sipped. So Tetsurou _was_ at this party. Or at least, he was supposed to be. Why was Bokuto desperately searching for him? Why was Tetsurou missing in the first place? Why would Bokuto think that Kei would know where he’d gone?

Kei wasn’t in the mood to stick around and find out, and after setting his drink on the nearest available surface, and he turned and headed for the door, firing off a quick, _Not feeling well, gonna head home_ text to the friends he was now ditching in return.

As it turned out, leaving the party in an attempt to avoid Tetsurou was a terrible, terrible idea. Like, the worst possible decision Kei could have made.

Just outside the house, sitting on the pavement and staring up at the dark night sky, was Tetsurou.

Kei couldn’t have produced a coherent thought if he tried.

The door fell closed loudly behind Kei, disturbing the all-consuming silence of the world outside, and Tetsurou turned his head to look up and see who had stepped out.

And then he burst out laughing.

“Oh, fuck _me_!” he shouted, and one thing was immediately made clear: Tetsurou was drunk as _hell_. Kei had seen Tetsurou tipsy dozens of times at different social gatherings throughout the years, but he’d never seen him so wasted before. If Kei recalled correctly, Tetsurou had explicitly said before that he didn’t even _like_ getting drunk.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” Kei grumbled, hoping he could just quickly get out of this conversation, catch a cab, and go have whatever emotional crisis he was inevitably going to go through in the peace of his own apartment. He was still just kind of numb, and with any luck, he’d stay numb until he was in private. “How drunk are you, anyway?”

“Very,” Tetsurou told him. “Very, very, very.”

“Is there a particular reason you’re this drunk?” Kei asked. “I didn’t really think you liked doing this.”

“I don’t,” Tetsurou said, laughing a little at himself. “And I’m probably gonna hate myself for it in the morning.”

Kei raised an eyebrow. “Then why did you drink so much?”

“I heard you were here.”

Kei didn’t know if he felt numb or just empty. “A-and?”

“I thought seeing you might kill me so the alcohol’s to numb the pain a little.” Tetsurou sighed. “Didn’t work, though. Still hurts.”

“Why does it hurt for you to see me?” Kei asked, completely and utterly confused. _He_ was the one that was supposed to be in pain. Why would it hurt _Tetsurou_ run to into an old friend and one-night stand?

Tetsurou laughed again. “That’s right... We remember that night a lot differently, don’t we? ‘Cause to you, that was just a one-night stand, but I remember it a lot differently. To me, that was the night I completely had my heart ripped to shreds by the dude I was in love with.”

Kei didn’t even know what to say. Was this a joke? Was Tetsurou just making stuff up? Was Kei having the world’s shittiest dream?

Kei’s own voice sounded very far away as he spoke, with his head swimming in so many confused thoughts. “Are you kidding?”

Tetsurou frowned. “What? Why would I be kidding?”

“Because... _no_.”

“No what?”

“Just... _no_. It was just a one-night stand for _you_ ,” Kei insisted. “ _I_ was the one that...”

Tetsurou still just looked horribly confused. “What?”

“You made out with me at a party,” Kei explained slowly, “and then you invited me back to your place for a one-night stand. That’s what happened.”

The look in Tetsurou’s eyes was still all just question marks. “No, it’s not...? I finally had the balls to kiss you, we spent the night together, and then you left me in the morning. _That’s_ what happened.”

“‘You left me in the morning,’” Kei repeated in disgust, his pain and confusion sliding with an almost unnerving ease into anger. “As if it’s my fault. As if you even _tried_ to stop me.”

“Of course I didn’t stop you,” Tetsurou said defensively. “I didn’t think you wanted to stay!”

“I didn’t think you _wanted_ me to stay!”

“ _Of course_ I wanted you to stay!”

“Why?!”

“Because I love you, Tsukki!” Tetsurou snapped. “Of _course_ I love you!”

And Kei had absolutely nothing to say back, because Tetsurou had said it in the present tense.

Earlier, it was vague and in the past. _The dude I was in love with_. That, Kei could save and process later.

 _I love you, of course I love you_ was not something Kei could just bookmark for later.

“You love me?” Kei squeaked out.

“Wait, Tsukki, I don’t think I feel so hot-”

Kei wasn’t paying attention anymore. His mind was a thousand places right now, and none of them were on Tetsurou putting his hands on the side of the pavement and leaning forward slightly, so he kept going. “Why... didn’t you say so? Oh, my God, Tetsurou, you couldn’t have slipped that into conversation at _any time_ at all?!”

“Tsukki, seriously, I think I’m gonna-”

“God, and I always thought you were the one who’s good at using your words, and the one time you keep your mouth shut, it’s this!” Kei said, full-on shouting at this point. “If you had just told me _then_ how you felt, then _none_ of this would have happened, because I lo-”

Kei was interrupted by Tetsurou vomiting loudly and spectacularly all over the sidewalk.

~

This was easily the most bizarre night of Kei’s life.

After standing with Tetsurou as he emptied out half his stomach onto the pavement, he ended up taking Tetsurou back to his place. He let Tetsurou lean against him heavily as they walked, and he didn’t bother to ask Tetsurou to split the cost of a taxi, just covering the cost himself and praying Tetsurou wouldn’t be sick in the backseat.

Tetsurou had been surprisingly articulate during their conversation, his words barely even slurred, but that turned out to be the only motor function he wasn’t struggling with, as had become clear the second Kei had helped him to his feet. He could barely _stand_ on his own, let alone walk. The puking had stopped after a while, but Tetsurou was still feeling like shit, and Kei didn’t think he should be left on his own right now. He was way too drunk to take care of himself.

And maybe Kei could’ve asked someone else to take care of Tetsurou, Bokuto or Akaashi or Yaku.

But he just didn’t.

Now Kei found himself sitting on the floor of his bathroom on standby while Tetsurou dry-heaved over his toilet, and all he could think about was how miserably drunk Tetsurou was. Tetsurou was too drunk to do _anything_ , so how could Kei trust _anything_ Tetsurou had just said? If he was too drunk to consent, that had to also be too drunk to say, “I love you,” right?

“Do you need some water?” Kei asked quietly.

Tetsurou gave a weak smile. “That’d be great.”

So this was all that was going to happen tonight. Kei was going to take care of Tetsurou, and in the morning, they’d part. Kei wasn’t going to hold Tetsurou to anything he’d said. Who knew. Maybe they’d avoid each other for another six months before this happened all over again. More chance encounters, but never anything solid or permanent.

Maybe Kei was just going to be cursed with a life of almosts, and he was never going to actually get over Kuroo Tetsurou.

“Here,” Kei murmured as he handed Tetsurou a glass of water.

“Thanks.” Even exhausted and bloodshot, Tetsurou’s eyes were lovely.

“How’s your stomach?” Kei asked as he sat down on the floor again.

“I think it’s getting better,” Tetsurou said before taking a few cautious sips of water.

“Good.”

Tetsurou cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about this, Tsukki.”

“It’s okay.”

“If you want, I can call a cab and go home.”

Kei shook his head. “You should just stay here. I’ll feel better if I can keep an eye on you.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Tetsurou said with a nod before sighing. “I love you, Tsu-”

“Stop.”

Tetsurou froze. “What?”

“Stop saying that,” Kei insisted.

“That I love you?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Why?”

Kei turned his head to look pointedly away from Tetsurou. “You’re drunk.”

Tetsurou paused before responding. “...Yes. I’m very drunk. I’m also very in love with you.”

“ _Stop_.”

Tetsurou snorted. “What, you think I’m making it up just because I’m drunk?”

Kei shrugged. “It’s possible.”

“Do you _hope_ I’m making it up because I’m drunk?”

“Not at all,” Kei said quietly.

Tetsurou paused again. “Is it because you love me, too?”

Kei didn’t say anything, just giving the slightest nod of his head.

“Can you say it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to say it back if it turns out you don’t mean it.”

“What can I do to make you believe me?” Tetsurou asked, and Kei was surprised by how serious he sounded about it.

“Just... say it again when you’re sober,” Kei mumbled. Not that he believed it was actually going to happen.

“Then you have to say it when I’m sober, too. So I can be sure this all actually happened and wasn’t some crazy dream.”

“Only if you say it first.”

“Deal,” Tetsurou said with a soft laugh.

Kei turned to look at him, and as lovely as Tetsurou’s smile was, seeing him leaned against Kei’s toilet was kind of ruining the whole image.

“Are you done being sick?” Kei asked.

“I think so.”

“Come here, then.”

Tetsurou looked surprise for a moment, but he did as Kei said, bringing his glass of water with him as he sat down beside him, leaning his head against Kei’s shoulder.

“I know you don’t believe me yet, but I do love you, Tsukki,” he murmured.

Kei groaned. “God, it’s like you can’t stop saying it.”

“I can’t. I’ve been holding it in for like, five years now.” Tetsurou moved away from Kei’s shoulder and instead curled up in his lap like a giant, drunken cat. “And unless this _is_ just a big, stupid dream, everything’s gonna be okay in the morning. That makes me really happy.”

 _Everything’s gonna be okay in the morning._ Kei wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe that this was all going to be so simple.

But he knew if he did let himself believe that, it was just going to hurt worse if everything wasn’t okay in the morning.

If Tetsurou had really been in love with Kei for five years, Kei could only pray he would stay in love for just one more night.

~

After about an hour of just sitting on the floor in his bathroom, leaning against a cabinet with Tetsurou’s head in his lap, Kei just didn’t even know what to feel anymore.

He wasn’t looking down at Tetsurou. In a way it almost felt like he couldn’t bring himself to. Even so, he was stroking Tetsurou’s hair with one hand and his shoulder with the other, hoping the constant, gentle touch would help soothe him. Tetsurou’s deep breaths slowly started to relax the longer he went without retching, and eventually, he completely relaxed, nuzzling his face against Kei’s leg.

His words from earlier were still ringing in Kei’s ears.

_“I love you, Tsukki. Of course I love you.”_

He’d said it like it was obvious when it was the least obvious thing in the world to Kei, the idea that Tetsurou could love him back. He’d never imagined that one day he’d be taking care of Tetsurou like this. He’d never imagined getting to touch him so gently and intimately, especially after the one-night stand. He’d thought his only chance to touch Tetsurou was going to be those few heated moments of desperation, his fingernails against Tetsurou’s back and his legs around Tetsurou’s waist.

He’d never thought he’d get to quietly stroke Tetsurou’s hair.

But in some ways, it hurt. Beneath the simple happiness of the moment was a slow-burning pain, deep in his chest, accumulated from all of Kei’s doubt. Doubt that Tetsurou would still love him once he’d sobered up. Doubt that that night six months ago could have been anything more. Doubt that he’d ever have the chance to be soft and gentle and intimate with Tetsurou after tonight. It felt like he was just going to have it all taken from him in the morning again.

_“Of course I love you.”_

“Hey, Kuroo?” Kei said quietly.

“Mm?”

“Do you remember the first time we spoke?”

Tetsurou laughed and buried his face against Kei’s lap. “God, don’t remind me.”

Kei grinned. “What?”

“It’s embarrassing to think about,” Tetsurou groaned. “What did I even say to you, again?”

Kei spoke slowly as he remembered that moment from a little over five years ago. “I was listening to Hinata and Inuoka’s conversation... And I didn’t understand what the hell they were talking about because they were both so worked up, and then you said-”

“I changed my mind, don’t remind me.”

Kei continued anyway. “You said, ‘That’s not the sort of conversation you’d get from high schoolers.’”

“Stooop.”

“‘Still, you’d seem more like a high schooler if you were a bit rowdier.’”

Tetsurou just let out another long groan.

“Then I said that I dislike that sort of behavior-”

Tetsurou rolled over so that he was looking up at Kei. “Which, by the way, was also a lame thing to say.”

Kei jaw dropped, but he was smiling. “Excuse me, what was I _supposed_ to say to that?”

Tetsurou sighed. “Fair point.”

Kei brushed Tetsurou’s bangs out of his eyes. “Do you remember what you said next?”

Tetsurou winced.

Kei did his best to imitate Tetsurou’s voice. “‘You sure are a youngster, huh?’”

“ _Please_ ,” Tetsurou laughed, smacking Kei’s chest as Kei laughed, too. “I was seventeen, okay?”

“That’s something you would say _now_.”

“It is not!” Tetsurou insisted. “Give me a break, I was just desperate to come up with _something_ to say to you!”

Kei’s laughter hesitated a little. He’d never actually gotten Tetsurou’s perspective on this memory before. “Why?”

“Because I thought you were pretty.”

Kei felt his face heat up a little. “That was your first impression of me? You thought I was pretty?”

Tetsurou just looked up at Kei with a soft smile. “Yeah. Why, what did you think I was talking to you for?”

Kei had never thought about it that way before. “I don’t know... We were both middle blockers?”

Tetsurou snorted a little. “If that was the reason, don’t you think I would’ve actually talked to you about blocking?”

“That would’ve been better than calling me a ‘youngster,’” Kei pointed out.

“ _Shush_ ,” Tetsurou said with a chuckle. “C’mon, I did better the next time we met, didn’t I?”

“Ah, yes, when you called me ‘the Karasuno guy with the glasses.’”

“I was _trying_ to be _aloof_.”

“Were you really?” Kei laughed.

“Well, I also couldn’t remember your name,” Tetsurou admitted, which just made Kei laugh more. “Like, I was _pretty sure_ it started with ‘Tsuki’ but God, how embarrassing would it have been if I’d just shouted out the wrong name?”

Kei just nodded. “Pretty embarrassing.”

“C’mon, not just the first day. The whole training camp, what kind of impression did I give off then?”

Kei took a moment to think. He was still playing with Tetsurou’s hair. “I wasn’t sure what to make of you. I thought you were kinda weird still, but... I don’t know. You were nice.”

Tetsurou waited for Kei to continue, and snorted when he didn’t. “That’s it? I was nice?”

“I didn’t _dislike_ you.”

“Wow.”

“What do you want me to say? That I had a giant crush on you and just didn’t realize it yet?”

Tetsurou hesitated a moment in surprise before smiling much more sheepishly than Kei had anticipated he would. “Yeah. That’s what I wanted you to say.”

Kei leaned his head back against the cabinet and looked up, too embarrassed to actually make eye contact with Tetsurou. “Well.”

“When did you realize, then?”

“I kept thinking about you,” Kei said quietly. “For a long time afterward. And a lot of it was just the advice you gave me, remembering what you said so that I could get better at blocking and stuff, but... I don’t know, I kept thinking about other things, too. Dumb things you said.”

“Thanks.”

“Shut up,” Kei chuckled, still not looking down at him. “You said a lot of dumb things. I thought they were cute, though. I think it was during that first match against Shiratorizawa, when I was a first-year - Hinata said something that reminded me of what you said, something about one point being worth a hundred, and... I don’t know. It made me really happy to think about.”

Tetsurou hummed as he thought it over. “I don’t remember ever saying that.”

“It wasn’t really a big deal when you said it,” Kei said. “You weren’t even talking to me, I’m pretty sure you were talking to Lev. But remembering that... I think that was when I realized.”

“Damn...” Tetsurou said with a sigh. “At least I fell for your looks. You fell for me because I was stupid and you thought it was funny.”

“That’s not what I said at all!” Kei said defensively, looking down at Tetsurou again. “I just... I don’t know! You were nice! I thought the things you said were cute. We just... got along.”

Tetsurou just blinked up at him. “And?”

Kei’s hands finally stopped for a moment. “I didn’t really get along with many people back then.”

“So you liked me because you didn’t hate me?”

Kei cringed. “God, you make it sound so awful, I-”

“It’s not awful,” Tetsurou quickly corrected. “It’s just interesting to me.” Since Kei’s hand had stopped stroking his hair, Tetsurou took it and held it against his cheek, leaning against Kei’s palm. “It’s hard to tell what you’re thinking sometimes, so I like hearing your thought process. I’m just trying to understand how you think. I don’t think it’s awful at all.”

Kei said nothing, instead just brushing his thumb across Tetsurou’s cheek. Tetsurou closed his eyes, and when Kei did it again, Tetsurou exhaled softly, leaning into Kei’s touch more.

“So you started liking me way back at the start,” Kei murmured, still running his thumb over Tetsurou’s soft skin. “But you said you love me. When did that happen?”

Tetsurou opened his eyes to peek up at him. “When did I fall in love with you?”

Kei bit his lip and nodded.

“It’s hard to say exactly,” Tetsurou said, his brow furrowed in thought. “When I first saw you, I immediately liked you, but falling in love with you was slow. I think the moment I realized it, anyway, was your third-year, when I got to come see Karasuno play a big match and I saw you being all cute and captain-y... And you were _so_ good, Tsukki, I thought I was gonna die, with how proud I was of you. People in the stands next to me kept calling you one of the best blockers in the country and God, it was just too much... I don’t know, and then after the match, you came up and talked to me, and you looked so happy that you’d won... I was so in love with you in that moment, it was hard _not_ to notice.”

Kei understood what he meant. He’d had plenty of moments like that, too. Hell, he was having a pretty big one right now.

“Alright, I spilled, what about you?” Tetsurou asked.

“Before that, actually,” Kei admitted.

Tetsurou raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“When I was a second-year,” Kei said quietly, “and we had our match against Nekoma, and you came to watch us play.”

Tetsurou smiled. “That was a good match.”

“Mm,” Kei hummed in agreement. “Wasn’t the same when I wasn’t playing against you, though. But anyway... I saw you cheering in the stands after Nekoma won their first set, and I knew I liked you. I saw you start crying after Nekoma won the match, and I knew I liked you. But then after the match... You came up to Karasuno and told us we played really well and all that stuff, and you gave some advice to the first-years and...” Kei laughed. “They were just _floored_ , having a college player tell them they had a lot of potential and all that, and... it was just silly. It was all silly. But that’s when something felt different. And before you left, when you just stopped to talk to me for a moment, asked how I was doing and stuff, and just... I don’t know. It wasn’t anything special. I just knew then that I loved you.”

Tetsurou gave a soft laugh. “It’s still hard to believe you actually feel the same about me,” he said. “I’ve thought it was totally one-sided for so long... It’s almost surreal to hear you say things like that. I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Kei didn’t say anything. It was ridiculous at this point to think that Tetsurou would be making any of these details up just because he was drunk, but he refused to really let himself believe Tetsurou loved him until he had a sober answer in the morning.

“Kei?”

“Mm?”

“Can I ask what was going through your head when we... y’know? That night six months ago?”

Kei swallowed. “I’d rather not talk about it, to be honest.”

“I’ll tell you what I thought,” Tetsurou offered.

“What did you think?”

Tetsurou paused before speaking. “I thought we were finally getting together.”

Kei felt his throat get tight.

“I thought that was just going to be the first night we spent together. And I thought maybe we were going a little fast, but... I was thinking it didn’t matter, if we just wanted each other that badly, y’know? Why wait if you’re both desperate? But that... that wasn’t even the best part for me. The best part... well, I don’t even know if I could pick a best part. When we first kissed, and you _actually_ kissed me back... That was one of the best moments of my _life_. And then later, just... falling asleep and holding you close like that... I wanted to fall asleep like that every day for the rest of my life. A-and...” Tetsurou’s soft murmuring turned into whispering. “I thought maybe I was going to get to, until you left.”

And Kei’s eyes stung. His lungs burned. His teeth hurt from how tightly he was clenching his jaw, all in a vain attempt not to cry.

“Kei?” Tetsurou said, sitting up quickly when he realized what was going on. Kei had to screw up his face even more to hold back tears, and it still wasn’t working.

“It’s my fault,” Kei said with a sniffle, covering his mouth with his hands and shaking his head. “Th-this whole thing is completely my fault. I am _so_ sorry, Tetsurou-”

“Hey,” Tetsurou said gently, moving beside Kei and putting his arm around his shoulders. “Hey, sh, it’s okay-”

“It’s not!” Kei insisted, tears spilling from his eyes faster than he could wipe them away. “I c-can’t believe I just _assumed_ it was a one-night stand, God, how am I such a horrible person?”

“You’re not a horrible person,” Tetsurou told him, squeezing his shoulders and kissing his temple. “You’re absolutely not.”

Kei turned his body so he could cry against Tetsurou, burying his head against the crook of his neck and grabbing onto Tetsurou’s shirt. “I’m so sorry, Tetsurou,” he sobbed miserably.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Tetsurou said, slipping off Kei’s glasses for him and setting them aside somewhere safe. “Kei, I mean it, you don’t have to be sorry. We didn’t communicate. It was just as much my fault, too.”

Kei sniffled. “I just didn’t understand why you kissed me. I d-didn’t know what it was supposed to mean, if it meant you liked me or... j-just wanted to kiss someone.”

Kei paused, but Tetsurou said nothing.

“And then you asked if I wanted to go back to your place and... I thought I knew what that meant. I-I thought if you had actually liked me, you would’ve said so, but you j-just asked me to go to your place, so I th-thought you just wanted sex.” Kei had to take a moment before he could speak again, because talking about it just made him relive how badly that night had hurt, and it was just making him cry harder. “A-and that just killed me, Tetsurou. I thought I’d spent the last few years in love with you and you only saw me as someone to sleep with, and... th-that _destroyed_ me...”

“So why did you say yes?” Tetsurou practically whispered.

As pathetic as he knew he’d sound, Kei continued. “I thought it was my only chance.”

“Only chance for what?”

Kei shrugged. “To kiss you. T-to touch you and feel what it was like to have you touch me. To sleep in your bed.” Kei sniffled and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. “If I wasn’t ever going to actually have you, I figured I could at least pretend for a night. But getting a taste of it just made it so much worse... That’s why I left so quickly in the morning. Knowing I was gonna have to leave at some point and then that would just be it... Waiting for that moment was just hell.”

Tetsurou was quiet for another moment, and he pressed another kiss to the top of Kei’s head. “Kei, I think I’m the one who owes you an apology.”

“What? Why?”

“I just... _assumed_ ,” Tetsurou said, now sounding like he felt ashamed of the whole thing. “I assumed you’d know what I meant. I didn’t tell you that I was in love with you or anything, I didn’t say... _anything_ , I just... And... _Christ_ , look what that led to. That... _entire_ time, I made you think I only wanted to sleep with you.”

“So did I.”

“No, you didn’t. It wasn’t until morning came that I thought that. I at least had hope for a night.”

“Hope just make things worse,” Kei said with a sniffle.

Tetsurou let out a bitter laugh. “Not when it’s the only thing you have.”

Kei just clung onto Tetsurou tighter, tilting his head up to press a kiss to Tetsurou’s neck, because it was the only bit of Tetsurou’s skin he could get to. “I’m sorry for assuming.”

Tetsurou wrapped both his arms around Kei and squeezed tightly. “Me, too.”

“I love you, Tetsurou.”

Tetsurou tightened his arms, and Kei just closed his eyes and melted. He’d forgotten how good it felt to be held like this by Tetsurou. “I love you, too.”

“Don’t say that.”

Tetsurou laughed. “Still waiting until morning?”

Kei just nodded.

“Then let’s make morning come faster,” Tetsurou said, giving Kei one last squeeze before letting go and attempting to get to his feet. “I’m exhausted, anyway.”

Kei got up and helped Tetsurou get his balance before leading him to his bedroom. He let him borrow some clothes to sleep in, and they both changed in silence until Tetsurou nearly fell over trying to take off his pants and Kei burst out laughing. Once they were both solid on their feet and in pajamas instead of jeans, they crawled into bed, and Kei felt absolutely scared to death.

“I could sleep on your couch, if you want,” Tetsurou offered, but Kei immediately shook his head.

“Stay,” Kei whispered, moving close and burying his face against Tetsurou’s chest. The idea of false hope terrified him, but right now, the possibility of wasting his last chance to sleep in Tetsurou’s arms was even worse.

And Tetsurou did not disappoint, wrapping his arms around Kei snugly and letting out a deep breath as he got comfortable, and Kei felt so deeply warm and safe and protected, he forgot for a moment to be scared at all.

“Goodnight, Kei.”

Kei almost wanted to ask Tetsurou to say he loves him, just one last time, but he didn’t. “Goodnight, Tetsurou.”

Kei would’ve imagined it would’ve taken him ages to fall asleep, with so much anticipation and stress about what would happen once morning came, but he was exhausted, and Tetsurou was beautiful to sleep against, so Kei fell asleep almost immediately.

~

Kei didn’t know what time it was when he woke up. He was too afraid to pull away from Tetsurou to look at a clock. He was too afraid to do anything, not until he had his answer.

“Tetsurou?” he whispered.

Tetsurou didn’t stir.

“Tetsurou, wake up,” he said just a touch louder.

Tetsurou let out a soft groan.

“ _Tetsurou_.”

Tetsurou let out a much louder groan, stretching out and tightening his hold around Kei as he did so.

“How do you feel?” Kei asked, despite feeling like he couldn’t bear the wrong answer right now.

“I’m exhausted,” Tetsurou mumbled. “I’m sober. I have the worst hangover of my fucking life.” He kissed the top of Kei’s head. “And I am still _completely_ in love with you.”

Kei wanted to burst into tears, but this time, for a much different reason. He was _so_ relieved, so deeply and wholly _happy_... It felt like he could actually breath again, it felt like every muscle in his body had never truly relaxed until now. He wrapped himself around Tetsurou like a koala, grabbing handfuls of the back of Tetsurou’s shirt just to hold on to him in some way.

“Now it’s your turn,” Tetsurou reminded him, and his voice sounded surprisingly small and afraid.

“I love you, too,” Kei whispered, and he couldn’t stop smiling as he said it. “I love you so, so much, Tetsurou, I love you so much...”

“Say it again,” Tetsurou said, and Kei could hear the smile in his voice.

“You first,” Kei teased.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Tetsurou pulled back to look Kei in the eye. “I love you.”

Tetsurou looked so, _so_ beautiful when he said it, his eyes full of happiness, his lips not even able to stop smiling long enough to get the words out, that Kei couldn’t help but immediately say back, “I love you, too.”

Tetsurou winced. “I really, really want to kiss you right now.”

“So do it.”

“I literally have, like, the worst breath I’ve ever had in my life.”

Kei let out an awful, snorted laugh that he might’ve been embarrassed of if it hadn’t made Tetsurou smile so much in return. “I think I have a spare toothbrush somewhere.”

“That’d be great.”

Kei waited for Tetsurou to loosen his arms so Kei could get out of bed, but he didn’t.

“Tetsurou?”

“Mm?”

“Are you gonna let me stand up?”

“Give me a minute,” Tetsurou said, leaning forward to press kisses to Kei’s cheeks and forehead.

“Ah, God, your breath _is_ awful,” Kei laughed, trying and failing to push Tetsurou away.

The fun and games stopped a little when they finally did stand up and Tetsurou was hit with the full severity of his hangover, but with some (a lot) of assistance from Kei, they both shuffled to the bathroom so Tetsurou could brush away whatever awful taste was in his mouth.

They said about a thousand “I love you”s in the process, and Kei had never been so happy just to get out of bed in the morning.

 _This is exactly how it’s supposed to be_ , Kei thought to himself as he brushed away a smudge of toothpaste from the corner of Tetsurou’s mouth and kissed him, soft and slow because they had all the time in the world, because they could do this again tomorrow if they liked, because he loved Tetsurou and Tetsurou actually loved him back. _I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing._

_I’m supposed to love you._

~~~

Even if his head felt like it was self destructing whenever he moved too quickly, and sudden loud noises felt like spikes in his skull, and bright light felt like death itself, Tetsurou would definitely count spending the day in bed with Kei as one of the best days of his life. Waking up with Kei not only still in his arms, but clinging onto him, was one of the best feelings he’d ever had. Kei telling him he loves him, Kei smiling as he said it, Kei’s dorky, adorable laughter. Kei’s soft, murmured speech, mindful of Tetsurou’s headache, Kei’s hands, never willing to leave Tetsurou’s body for more than a few seconds at a time, Kei’s lips, kissing whatever parts of Tetsurou’s skin he could get to. The feeling of being tangled up in Kei’s bedsheets and his long limbs. Kei’s breath catching whenever Tetsurou kissed this one particular sensitive spot on his neck. Kei, Kei, Kei, just everything about him - Tetsurou was _obsessed_ , and it was all his, and Tetsurou was all Kei’s, and they were finally each other’s, and it was exactly how things were supposed to be.

 _I’m supposed to love you_ , Tetsurou thought as he cupped his hand behind Kei’s head and kissed him, as Kei kissed back and slipped his own hands under Tetsurou’s shirt. _And I do._

So Tetsurou told him. “I love you.”

Kei didn’t even hesitate. “I love you, too.”

Tetsurou wanted to keep saying it, but he also really, really wanted to keep kissing, so he just repeated it in his head, over and over. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

_And I always, always will._

**Author's Note:**

> {[click here to reblog from my writing tumblr](http://melissawritesstuff.tumblr.com/post/131144826014/and-i-always-will)}  
> ★reblogs are much appreciated★


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